Warped

As years passes through, I've been enduring a lot of things. Happiness, sadness, pain, joy and more. 

Gradually, my personality become warped due to various factors. Pressure from studies, peers. family and environment. Used to be a gentle and shy girl, but slowly my inner evil keeps rising up when things went wrong. Though I manage to take control before I act. And sometimes I ended up hurting myself in turn to help everything for everyone else. 

Tried to cry, but no tears flowing down. Wants to get really mad over something, I ended up apologizing. I'm no emotionless person, deep down I can get hurt a lot but never shows the pain.

@#%#$^%^&^*&$%$#!!!!

Is what I feel now. Really.....

When I'm stressed, they bug me. When I'm not, they're still going to bug me.

"WHAT THE HECK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!" 

This so called "toxic anger" might hit on someone if you keeps on bugging me when you're already aware of it. Then you blame me when I'm mad.

"STOP POINTING ON SOMEONE'S ELSE MISTAKES WHEN YOU DIDN'T CHECK ON YOURS! I MEAN IT!"

"Bila aku marah, ko salahkan aku lepas tu cakap bukan2 pulak."

Just because I'm being quiet doesn't mean you can pick on me every time.

And sorry if I'm being naive and an idiot.

「（。＿。）」＞。＜

わたしの歩もの気持ちはなに？

My heart feels uneasy in a few times, but tried to conceal it. Even so, I locked my sadness from the others not letting them know....

Wandering thoughts.....

From previous year (2013), a lot of things happened:

- Noel (my netbook) is busted and replaced with a new one.
- Coping with mental depressions since the CGPA didn't rise as much....
- Making friends in degree level is harder than I thought (not to mention my own foolishness lead to tons of misunderstandings)
- Lack of confidence during assignment requiring standing in front of people.

I'm worrying the others more than myself.... and I should tend to myself first before the others since I'm always ended up being miserable.